The story below is one that I've often shared in bits and pieces. It's time that I shared it in greater totality, particularly for those of you who may not entirely understand my decision to leave all that I knew and loved in San Francisco to come to such a different place as Los Angeles. For my boyfriend's professional and personal privacy, I will not refer to him by name.
This wasn't "love" at first sight. It was more than that: recognition at first sight. What I saw the moment I stepped off the bus on March 15, 2009 was a man whose grin could barely be contained on his beautiful face. Not only was he blissfully happy at the moment of our finally meeting, but he had dressed for the occasion, knowing how fond I was of a man in a dress shirt and tie. :-) In that moment, I recognized a man with a heart of gold and an incredible capacity for love. And I couldn't wait to know him better.
When he first said "hi" to me on an LGBT social networking site (sometime in early February 2009), I was drawn in by his cute smile and understated manner. A few days later, when I asked if he wanted to get coffee sometime, I learned that he lived in Los Angeles, a city that inspired personal nightmares of traffic jams, air that you can see (and don't want to), and plastic... lots and lots of plastic. "Give it a second chance," he said once, and a couple months later, I was doing just that.
It wasn't easy, dating across a 350-mile spread. Between my visits to LA and his to SF, he sometimes felt like the clandestine boyfriend who didn't really exist. Time was so precious, and we did not really meet each other's friends until we'd already been dating for several months.
There were times when I was tempted to end things because it hurt so much every time we said goodbye after yet another fantastic weekend together. But the hurt was a clue. It would not have hurt so much if it didn't mean so much. So I remained, and with each successive visit, we headed toward an inevitable life-altering move for one or the other of us: either for me from a city that I'd embraced for ten years, or for him from a city that was his home for all but a handful of years.
Have you ever tried dating someone long-distance? It so sucks. No no... it really does suck. One day you're on a high because you're spending a whole weekend together, and the next is a rough low because you've said goodbye and won't see each other for another 3 weeks. Suffice to say, it can really suck. But through it all, he kept bringing me back to the positive - how we'd see each other again in X days, or how we could chat again that night on the phone for hours before going to sleep, or how we would get to see this show or go to that game when we saw each other next. He supported me as I found the strength to persevere in the long-distance, far longer than I ever thought I would be able to. Anyone who knew me before I met him knows I would instantly pooh-pooh the very notion of a long-distance relationship as unworkable, if for no other reason than I had tried it once, many years ago, and it was a painful experience for me.
But he showed me another way. He showed me how to embrace the time apart, to see the opportunity in it, and to revel in the future that lay just days ahead when we would see each other again. Distance gave me freedom to continue to pursue my passions, my friendships, and my work, without the rapid cocooning that I had often done in serious relationships past. It did not come easy, but I soon saw qualities in myself I had not realized that I possessed.
Yes, it was recognition at first sight. Recognition of a man so beautiful that it is impossible to do him justice in a blog post. Recognition of a possibility to grow in ways beyond anything I ever imagined. Recognition of an opportunity that has challenged me time and again, not least of which is now finding myself in a completely new city adjusting to a whole new way of life.
He is the most incredible man I have ever known. I feel truly blessed to have grown with him in the time since we first met. He sees and understands things far beyond he lets on. Whether it has been embracing my sense of humor in new ways, getting past my uber-serious inclinations to recognize the positive in all things, or exploring my personal creativity and capacity for change, all these things have come from my experiences with the man who has become my rock.
I feel like one of the luckiest men alive, and I also know that if I could make it through the challenges that I have faced these past two years, only to find myself in the situation that I do today, then anything truly is possible, and I would hope that this story might inspire others to take a challenge, take a risk, and be unafraid to welcome the unknown.
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